24 July 2016

Cutting Ties with Negativity 👋 | Sunday Post #3



It can be the most frustrating thing trying your best to help someone while they continue to not help themselves. Having compassion and understanding is one of the many keys to holding connections with people, but these connections aren't always worth the fight. You choose who and what you surround yourself with which should be people that enhance your wellbeing and mental state, not drag it through the mud. 
Being there for your friends in times of need, providing some sort of a comfort umbrella when life gets problematic and being able to have a laugh are some of the things that I think, makes having a friend worthwhile- but there are often times when I find myself drained by being around negativity. Negativity takes it's toll if it resides for a long time- you can't thrive or grow from it.

Toxic relationships come in many forms. Feeling drained or depressed for simply being in certain relationships sucks, and cutting ties can be the most difficult thing at first but sometimes it's agreeable to do this.

If your friends are constantly at you to change something about yourself, or be more like them, or do what they think you should do for the sake of their own happiness then they are not your friends. Putting their own happiness over yours, being manipulative, controlling or dishonest has NO place in a healthy relationship. 

Recognising emotional blackmail is important too ("If you hang out with her then I'm not being your friend anymore", "You can't be happy with him because I had him first") You are not responsible for your friends. Making you feel bad for your decisions, as long as your decisions are harmless, is unacceptable. 


There might come a time when enough is enough. Cutting ties is about realising when the fight is no longer worth the friendship. Ultimately we need to take care of ourselves before we can heed to others standards. The word selfish has so many nasty connotations we forget it also means thinking of yourself. If you pay more attention to sorting out drama in others lives than your own, what are you left with?

Value the ones who are there for you at the end of the day, the people that support you in return, make you beam sun beams of happiness and despite not liking some decisions you choose to make, help you work out whatever you're going through and vice versa.

It's so easy to lose yourself holding onto negative relationships. You aren't an infinite life source and people who blackmail or cause drama often believe that you can tend to all of their problems without realising you have sh*t of your own to deal with. Why should you have to hang on to anybody who takes it all out on you? The truth is, we aren't obliged. Making connections with people is a privilege that shouldn't be taken for granted. Years of friendship isn't always worth holding onto if you conflict and it's making you feel utterly terrible.

In my opinion, the short term pain of letting go of toxic relationships can be so worth the long term happiness of being drama-free.

Obviously 'a friend in need is a friend indeed', and you should talk things out, helping where you can (never abandon anyone who truly needs you) but my message is that if you're at a wits end and this person no longer listens to you, or kicks off for the sake of it, it's often more healing to move on. Most of the time for both of you.

To grow you need to have light.
 Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. 

What are your thoughts on this? Drop me a comment!
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